NOV E M B E R - D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 4 33 Is your relationship suffering because one partner is less interested in sex than the other? Has the intimacy, fun, and closeness waned or disappeared? Low sexual interest is a very common complaint. UN-HAPPILY EVER AFTER…? We still expect to find that one right person, become that right couple, and live happily ever after— while having careers and raising children in a technological, fastpaced world. We expect to be best friends, parents, and have hot sex regularly with this ONE person for the rest of our lives–-which could now be as long as 80+ years! We see Cinderella and the Prince dance off after the ball – but what happens when they get to the royal bedroom has never been discussed. ONE PARTNER IS OFTEN BLAMED Research shows that “low desire” and resulting low sex relationships have many causes and are experienced by both men and women, gay and straight. MYTH: All men are interested in sex, and think about it often. FACT: Many men never have high sex drives; many others lose interest. MYTH: Hot sex happens automatically with the right partner for the rest of our lives. FACT: Life happens! People lose connection with their own sexuality OR with good sex in this relationship. Most must learn to create or maintain intimacy. Every 21st century couple is pioneering relationships of the future. No one has re-written the fairy tale yet. Here are five tips to add warmth to your holiday season: ONE Forgive and accept yourself and each other. Low desire and low sex relationships are no one’s fault. They are expectable results of many common causes. TWO Show thankfulness and appreciation. Many couples forget over time to do those “little things” and tell their partner what they DO appreciate. Be thankful you’re not alone. THREE “Count your blessings” isn’t just a saying anymore; it’s brain science. What you pay attention to gets bigger—choose to pay attention to the positives (get help solving the negatives). FOUR Take a deep breath! Research shows slow deep breathing is first aid for anxiety, depression, and even relationships with our loved ones. Try holding each other and breathing together, gradually matching your rhythms. FIVE TIME OUT! Feeling intimate requires relaxed partners sharing time together. Spontaneity is overrated—it rarely happens! Schedule time for your relationship. Isn’t it as important as everything else on your calendar? Everyone needs help sometimes. If you can’t solve intimacy problems, get qualified professional help. Your relationship and life are worth it! May your holiday season be filled with love. Rhea Orion, PhD, LMFT, CST is a seasoned marriage and family therapist, PhD in psychology, nationally certified sex therapist, and degreed home economist practicing in the Napa Valley. Email lovehelp@ me.com; see www.lovehelp.us; call 707-266-1269. HOLIDAY STRES BUSY LIVES STIR! add to and The Love Doctor by DR. RHEA ORION Would you like wine with that sex? Dear Lovedoc, My husband and I enjoy sharing wine—it helps us relax and be intimate. He always acts more romantic after a few glasses! But then he sometimes can’t perform, and always falls asleep before I’m satisfied. Do we have to forget our favorite wines before sex? Please help, Whining About Wine Dear whining about wine, And here we are surrounded by some of the best wines in the world! I sometimes suggest that clients enjoy one or two glasses at the most as part of their romantic activities. Many people report feeling relaxed and sexy when drinking, however, alcohol is a central nervous system depressant and can negatively affect sexual functioning and enjoyment. Make sure to limit wine intake. Agree in advance that two glasses is enough. Do not bring the bottle into the bedroom! Drinking water and having snacks can help minimize unwanted side effects such as drowsiness and loss of control. After all, you want to relax, not pass out! There are other ways to relax and connect which I highly recommend, with or without alcohol (see article and check my website lovehelp.US). Do you have a question for the “lovedoc”? Email Dr. Orion at lovehelp@me.com. All will be answered if possible, only one will be published.
NVLife_NovDec_2014
To see the actual publication please follow the link above