66 South Bay Accent SHUTTERSTOCK 4 Savor the Present Appreciating the present moment, or mindfulness, is another way to experience happiness. It can be formal, as in meditation, or informal, like savoring each bite of food at mealtimes, or focusing on routine daily tasks. Mindfulness is not only important in bringing calm and peace into everyday life, it’s also important as a way of remaining vigilant to signals our body and mind may be sending us about important changes we need to make in our lives, Hart says. A regular meditation practice encourages and enhances these skills. 5 Feel Your Feelings— Including Sad Ones Carter encourages parents to help raise their children’s emotional intelligence by naming feelings out loud and validating the feelings as valid and normal parts of being human. It works for adults, too. The trick is to not get stuck in those negative feelings. People who learn how to accept their feelings, good and bad, are more likely to bounce back and will do so more quickly than those who don’t. 6 Replace Judgment With Curiosity “If you really want to be happy, you have to release judgment and get into curiosity,” Warshaw says. “Judgment separates the world into, ‘I agree or disagree.’ Curiosity is about, ‘What’s this?’ When I’m curious, everything is potentially a lesson.” He counsels his patients to suspend automatically labeling events as negative until they see how they play out. That’s worthwhile advice for parents as well, says Carter. Focus on what children are learning and the fun they’re having, she suggests, instead of judging whether the results meet parental expectations. Curious minds don’t march in a straight line. They wander and explore nooks and crannies. They can be happily lost for a time, just snooping around, which is why we have much to learn from our kids. 7 Redefine Success We’ve all known men and women who seem to have an insatiable need for material wealth, career advancement and personal recognition. No matter what they attain or how much they accrue, they’re never content. Hart and others urge us to look objectively at our true needs. That requires us to examine how our time is best spent. An hour playing with our young kids can be viewed as priceless and infinitely rewarding, or as a distraction from attending to a business project. As the saying goes, no one ever died wishing they spent more time working. Success, based on happiness as a measurement, can translate to how well we succeed in keeping our focus on things close to home that give us back a feeling of belonging, nurturing and being nurtured. 2 Take Better Care of Yourself We know, we know! We all have to eat right, exercise and get enough sleep. We hear it so much it’s easy to dismiss, or tell ourselves we’ll start that diet next week. But 3 the fact is we will be happier if we’re rested and healthy. “We know from the research that if we lack sleep we make mistakes, we don’t think as well, we don’t get along with people as well, we get fat, all sorts of things happen,” says Hart. Practice Gratitude and Forgiveness Comedian Joan Rivers often told people facing hardships to adopt her habit of making a nightly list of things to be grateful for. Carter also believes in the habit, encouraging people to be persistent if it doesn’t feel natural at first. Forgiveness is another major key to happiness, according to the experts. Carter says practicing forgiveness reduces stress, blood pressure, anger and depression. Warshaw says that people mistakenly think forgiving someone is condoning their behavior. “They think forgiveness is a gift we give to others,” he says. “Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves.” The experts acknowledge the path to forgiveness can be difficult, but its benefits are invaluable. Their advice: Make a choice to let go of negative feelings, and if you find you can’t, find a professional to help you. “Begin wherever you are and start scheduling things for yourself that will improve your own mental health and promise to make you happier.” —CHRISTINE CARTER
South Bay Accent - Apr/May 2016
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